My Akashic Journey – Chapter Seven – Timeline Whores of the Multiverse


Yeah, I said it. When I asked my higher self just how many different timeline lives she was living, she replied, “Oh, about 150.” And so, I admit it, I called her a Timeline Whore. She laughed, of course. And you are probably laughing, too, but, at the time I said it, I was really kind of pissed, to be honest. For about a day or so, it made me feel like I didn’t even have a soul. Like I’m just a pawn. An experiment on a timeline. A fucking GAME to her. I mean, seriously??? One hundred and fifty???!!! All at ONCE? C’mon!!! Who has time for that? Who can keep TRACK of all that drama?

“Don’t even try to comprehend it from where you sit,” she said.

So I didn’t. Whatever, right? It took a couple of days for me trust her assurance that she is with me, always, for every short and long breath.

The conversation happened after I wrote chapter seven of My Akashic Journey, which presented me with more information than I could process in one day about multiple timelines within the multiverse. It has taken me a couple weeks and a bit of consultation with my trusted advanced-consciousness cronies to actually make the decision to publish this mind-bender. Hold onto your hats. I kept seeing 555 codes everywhere before I conducted this reading and wrote this chapter…


On May 10th I was thinking about a reading I had just given and how it is interesting the way soul groups tend to surround a particular issue and weave in and out of it, playing all the different roles surrounding the issue in order to help one another come to terms with it. I realized it was a lot like higher education, in a way. As undergrads, we pick a major and we study all the components necessary to get a degree in that field. In that major we may feel drawn to a more particular sector, so we go on to investigate further and obtain a master’s degree. We may even decide to then take it one step further and get that doctorate in order to gain the expertise to help others. And once we are helping others, we know we have truly evolved, right? As I was pondering this metaphor, a tidal wave of information crashed down on me about my own life… and reincarnation… and timelines… and… how to finally explain, once and for all… that we are living ALL of these lives simultaneously. WHOA. Talk about drowning in TMI all at once! Damn. I feel like I have a concussion as I write this, but I know I have to, or I will forget everything as quickly as it hit me.

Okay, so I have been shown a few things in a matter of MINUTES, but I know it is going to take hours to explain it all, since the flashes of “Remember this? And that? And THIS? See how they’re all connected?” is going to actually take time for me to explain to everyone who does not live inside my head. Keep in mind, these are pieces of a puzzle that have shown up over several years of time in my own personal life in this particular timeline we are currently sharing. I will present them chronologically and as concisely as possible (sort of like Exhibit A, B and C in a courtroom drama, if you follow).

All my life, in my heart I have known about reincarnation. I have known of my roots and bloodlines, even, that connect me directly to who most know as Jesus Christ. Yes, crazy, I know. That is why I never, EVER talk about it… until recently, of course. As the puzzle pieces begin to come together and I am awakening to who I am – several fractals of one light being who is living many, many timelines all at once – it is starting to (very slowly) make more and more sense. I don’t have all of the answers yet because there is no photo to compare the puzzle pieces to, if you know what I mean. I am just blindly fitting these pieces together, unsure of what “big picture” they will ultimately create actually looks like. When I think about this stuff, I am reminded of the Terminator movies and Butterfly Effect.

Why Terminator you ask? Well, as I see it, what is actually going on is that we are living all these lives at once on different timelines and looking to our “future” selves to be the masters or the experts, if you will, who have the ability to look back or travel back into other timelines to share information or expertise that will enable our other fractal selves to solve problems and issues that could otherwise harm us or the planet in one way shape or form. And, like Butterfly Effect, we are even living some of the same lives during the same timelines over again to fix or repair mistakes that cost us in the future lives. WHEW!! Okay. Crazy, I know. Hard to follow? You bet! But, I finally GET IT!!! This is the way my guides explained it to me:

Imagine yourself at a BINGO Hall playing several cards at the same time. Say you have five cards. (Each represents a different life on a different timeline.) Now, it is unlikely that any two of those five cards will be exactly the same, but, while rare, it IS possible. (Meaning that you can live the same exact life as the same person during the same time period… BUT, the difference being that it’s a different timeline, so in that life the history can be completely different. Now we’re getting into Groundhog Day kind of stuff: do it over until you finally get it right). While the BINGO card metaphor doesn’t quite bring it home, it sort of helped make sense of how our higher selves are playing out several lives all at once… and sometimes even two versions (maybe even more) of the SAME life during the SAME time period on different timelines.

You’re probably wondering how this crazy stuff even came into my mind. Well, as I explained before, it arrived in pieces, over several years, which were all just presented to me in reminder flash fashion about 90 minutes ago in that tidal wave of TMI.

These flashes did NOT come in chronological order, so try to follow.

A few weeks ago I had a dream about my twin flame soul mate and I. I could tell by the songs on the radio, our clothes and our hairstyles and simply by the way we looked that this was the early 90s, back when we were just out of high school. We were sitting in her car in her parents’ garage listening to the radio. I had just told her something about some guy who had date raped me, and I leaned my head on her shoulder. There was so much love and trust between us, I could feel it. She then invited me into the folded down backseat as her dad’s silhouette appeared in the doorway that led into their house. We managed to duck just in time to escape his attention.

We curled up on the flat surface in the back seat and laid there in the dim lighting of the garage contently looking at each other.

“My parents think I’m a lesbian,” she finally whispered to me.

I felt myself gasp as the dream came to a screeching halt.

I woke up going, “Whaaat the FUCK???”

Primarily because it felt so REAL. Like I had actually BEEN there with her, in that very place, at that very time, in that very moment. What I mean is that it felt a lot more like a memory than a dream.

Holy crap, I thought to myself. It was real? It was real, wasn’t it? Scarborough? We didn’t know each other back then. Not at all. How can this be real?

“It was another life on the same timeline,” Scarborough, my higher self explained.


I scrambled out of bed and immediately went to my computer and wrote to Ariel Deangelis:

Hey… got a question for you regarding the concept that we live all our lives at once vs. the one-life-at-a-time-but-not-necessarily-in chronological-order philosophy…

Since we can hop into any timeline… is it possible for us to hop into the SAME timeline and live the same lives over and over again, but switching things up to get different results? (Sort of like Butterfly Effect, but it being an entire lifetime rather than just several time jumps?)

I had this weird dream this morning that is prompting this question. Just wondering what you think.

Ariel’s response:

Yes… have you sensed this happening… you are not alone.

My reply:

So what IS this? Groundhog Day? We keep doing it over until we get it right?

Ariel’s response:

Yes, interesting isn’t it? [Arch Angel] Michael likened it to me the other day as us being at a point which we’re ALL going to Ascend – those of us who have chosen to, anyway… as you might have deduced, we’re not all exactly ready to do that… lots of unfinished business, both here and “there”… so, in effect, we have the “ability” (if you want to call it that) to hit “rewind,” go back (or forward – cuz even if you go back, you’re still moving forward) to a previous (and/or slightly different) “timeline” (or “point of experience”) which enables us to “have another go” at it… yeah, that’s a kind of a “Michael-y” sort of explanation, but nevertheless, pretty close to what we are experiencing now… so you see, we really DO have ALL of ETERNITY to get it “right” …  the fun is just beginning…



Okay, so there is Exhibit A. The dream. There were other dreams I had about that timeline, too, that I don’t want to get into because they involve the one with the negative energy who threw the “curse” on my father’s grandfather and how my twin-flame soul mate became entangled with her. At first, my thought was that life had already been lived out and that we failed our mission, so we are doing it over, but now as I write this, I realize we are probably living that exact same life RIGHT NOW and perhaps we have not failed… YET… or perhaps, even, THIS is the life in which we could either succeed or fail. Or maybe everything… every OTHER life being lived at this very moment that we are tapping into through dreams or “memories” is actually CONTINGENT upon THIS life, THIS now. WOW. No pressure or anything. I’m not saying I’m right about this, because there is still a LOT that doesn’t add up or make sense. And no, I am not on a mushroom trip or any other “trip,” for that matter.

After they remind me of the dream, my guides show me Exhibit B. The photo. A few months ago, my twin-flame soul mate sent me a photo of herself when she was probably in fifth or sixth grade. She sent me several, actually, from grade school. She looked boyish, and very, very cute in all of them. There was the one photo, from fifth or sixth grade (she couldn’t remember which) that kept coming back to me over and over again for days and weeks after she’d sent it. I felt a deep connection with that one photo for some reason. I told her my feelings about it. Her only response was: “Weird.”

Yeah. Weird. Now I feel that maybe that is when we made our first connection with each other in this other life we are living on that “slightly different timeline” as Ariel describes it. You see, in “this life,” my twin flame and I did not even meet until May 5, 2007, when we were both 36 years old. But I am now beginning to have strong feelings that we met much earlier on this other timeline I have been dreaming about. And, this may sound really weird, but I almost miss that life and find myself longing to go back to it, even though I am not at all familiar with it.

I’m standing at the dishwasher loading dirty plates as this feeling comes over me about the photo again… the same place I’ve been standing and same chore I have been doing when the photo connection feeling has come up several times over the past few months. So maybe the dishwasher is some kind of link? It’s possible. We DID have dishwashers way back then – when I was in grade school and middle school – believe it or not. Perhaps loading and unloading it was one of my chores at that time when I often found myself thinking about her? I suppose my Akashic Records could tell me.

Then my guides show me Exhibit C, that ornate tile décor I noticed in my dormitory building at 4 Charlesgate East in Boston, Massachusetts, when I was a freshman at Emerson College. I recognized it immediately and realized “I’ve been here before,” with utmost clarity and certainty. Then I frowned. “But I’ve NEVER been here before,” I reminded myself. I later told my friend Wil (yes the Emerson shuttle bus driver I had a crush on for years) about it.

I remember how he stared straight ahead and said to me, “You’ve been there before.”

It gave me goose bumps.

“Fuckin’ Wil the bus driver,” I chuckled to myself. That dude and my attraction to him was always such a mystery to me. But I realized this morning that he served a purpose far greater than I ever imagined until… well… this morning. He was the very first person I talked to about reincarnation who actually affirmed it. Holy crap. That was 24 years ago! Wil the bus driver is now 68 years old. Sorry. I digress. But you get the idea of how long it has taken to put these pieces together.

And Exhibit C reminds me of the fact that my twin-flame soul mate was out there, in Massachusetts, around the same time as me (on this timeline, in this life). When I was out doing yard work the other day, her higher self Ulron told me that he wanted SO badly for us to meet out there. He tried so HARD to nudge her to go to Boston.

“I would have found you,” he said. “And she would have talked to you. Just imagine what it would have been like…”

“Dude, I thought I was straight then,” I reminded him. “Nothing would have happened.”

That led me to wonder, though… about this slightly different timeline… did I go out to Boston to college in that timeline or not?

So many things to ask my Akashic Records! Here I go…


I had this dream about me and my twin-flame soul mate sitting in her car together talking when we were in our late teens or early twenties, but I did not know her at that time in this life. Scarborough says we have lived this life as the same people during the same time period before. How is this possible? What can you tell me about timelines and simultaneous lives?

Jen, this is Christopher, a loved one and member of the Ring of 500. I will attempt to answer this question for you as best I can, me being in spirit world and you being in 3D. I have been there before, myself, so I know how difficult it is to grasp this concept since your entire life and world is run by a clock and timelines other than the one in which you currently live are also incomprehensible.

First, let’s be clear: You, Jen Freer, have not lived ANY other lives other than the one you are currently living. Your higher self, however (the REAL you — Scarborough) has lived many. Or created many, I should say. Some will call these many lives (or characters, if you will) “fractals.” Or, as we say over here in spirit world: “experiments.”

Remember when you were younger and you played with your Barbie dolls and Adventure People? You created story lines for them, right? And, as a writer, when you write your fictitious stories, you do the same thing, don’t you? You create characters and story lines. Well, higher selves do the same thing. They are the creators, or the authors, so to speak. And, just as you may have three or four different story ideas, all with completely different characters living in completely different places during different time periods that are in varied states of completion, your higher self has a lot of the same kind of thing going on. Now remember, higher selves are Masters. They are able to be in several places all at once. They can have many fractals (lives) going on simultaneously. And, just as an author can pick any time period for which their story takes place, master higher selves can do the same thing.

Okay, Christopher, if I may interject? I would like to ask, then, why am I having memories or dreams of other lives my higher self has lived?

Because you are connected. You keep reading and hearing the phrase “we are all one.” And that is true. Because every higher self is a fractal of source energy (or GOD energy). Your higher self is trying to share with you your connection to her and all the other creations she has made. You are an extension of her, just as all these other storylines and characters are extensions of her.

What about the twin-flame soul mate?

Also an extension of her. The masculine energy. Okay, see, Ulron and Scarborough are a pair that were split from one fractal into two. And they, together, can decide if they are going to co-create or not. So, while they mostly DO co-create together, sometimes they do not. For you, Jen, they have co-created, meaning that you and the person you feel is your twin flame will come together on your timeline to clear up old energy and move into oneness together to create healing projects. The exact details of these creative projects are pretty much unwritten because Scarborough and Ulron want to leave the creativity up to the two of you, once your vibrations are equal and the two of you are once again in harmony.

Okay, so, if we are ONLY us, then why is it we are affected by other lives our higher selves have lived? Like, why are we purging LIFETIMES of “past traumas” and fears and other general suckiness?

Because we’re all one. Think about it. When you’re writing a story, are the characters in your story influenced by your own emotions?

Sometimes, yes. But not always. Because sometimes I am writing as an escape.

Ah. But, still, the characters are an extension of you. So, whatever you are feeling or have experienced or imagine, they are essentially going to experience, too, at some time or another within the storyline. Because YOU are the creator. Right?

Yes. But I thought higher selves were supposed to be Masters.

Yes. They are masters. But they are not necessarily fully ascended masters. Do you understand?

No. I thought Masters meant fully ascended.

No. Not necessarily. Just like those with a master’s degree from grad school don’t yet have their doctorates, you see? It’s much like that, OR, Karate. You cannot get the black belt until you have all the other colored belts first.

So it’s another hierarchical system?

If you want to see it that way. But this is more about energy – vibration and frequency – more than it is about rank and power and authority. In a way, you are like the “feeler” for your higher self. Your higher self experiences energy through you and gains knowledge and wisdom from your experiences much the same way you as an author learn from your own characters in your stories, right? Not to be crude, but it is almost like the scientists who put mice in a maze and move the cheese around and change up the patterns of the maze to see how the mouse will react and respond. But that is more beginner level stuff.

So what is the higher self hoping to gain from all of this?

Understanding. Wisdom. And, ultimately, ascension into a higher vibration.

For what, exactly?

The opportunity to explore the higher dimensions. One must achieve a higher vibration in order to access the higher dimensions.

So it IS like a video game?

In some ways, yes. But far more exciting and rewarding.

How so?

Because it’s the multiverse. It is infinite.

Okay, so, explain to me again why a fractal like myself has to feel the pain and suffering of other lives (fractals) being lived by my higher self.

Well, it did not used to be that way. Because levels of consciousness are higher now, more and more fractals are becoming aware of their connections. Unity consciousness is beginning to connect more and more of these fractals to their source energy and all of its other fractals. Everything is energy, my dear. You know that whole deal about E-motion being energy in motion? How no emotion is good or bad, it’s just energy? That is exactly true. And it is exactly why fractals are tapping into their higher selves and the other fractals being lived by your higher self. So, WERE you on the Titanic with your twin-flame soul mate when it went down? No. JEN was not. But Scarborough was. And Ulron was. And they are the REAL you. So you feel the energy and emotion attached to that incident. Or as much as your higher self feels it, anyway.

I do not feel as affected by it as much as my twin-flame soul mate does, but let me ask you a couple of questions about that, since you, Christopher, were the one who came through when we did her reading about the Titanic. You said she was an architect and a designer who worked on that ship, but she went to another psychic and asked him if that was true, and he said no, that she was some sort of crew member who reported the iceberg and was dismissed and then was the first to die in a wall of water. Why are we getting conflicting stories about this?

First, let me ask you this… did the psychic open her Akashic records?

I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure. I don’t believe it was an Akashic reading. Just an intuitive reading as far as I know.

Did the psychic speak directly with her higher self, Ulron?

I don’t know. Is it possible Ulron created two fractals of himself who were on the ship at the same time?

It’s possible, but I cannot say without her records being open.

What do my records say?

Your records say only one fractal on the Titanic with Ulron’s fractal. But that doesn’t mean he did not have another fractal on that timeline or a slightly altered timeline.

How would you describe a “slightly altered timeline?”

Staggered. One that is slightly behind. A do-over timeline, basically. You know how things are always being revised? Consider it something like that. It’s usually a fail. If you remember the movie you mentioned earlier – Butterfly Effect – it’s a lot like that. You know how he keeps going back and trying to “fix” or “repair” the past to create a better or more ideal present for the girl he loves, but everything he does only seems to make matters worse? Yeah. It’s a lot like that. Again, like I said, it’s all experimental. Nothing is actually made better or worse… just different.

But, with the Titanic, the ship goes down and 1500 people die. And JP Morgan gets away with it all.

On your timeline it does, anyway.

What does that mean?

It means… what you perceive as reality isn’t necessarily so. It all depends on which timeline you are living.

So there is possibly a timeline where the Titanic doesn’t sink?

There are many timelines where the Titanic is a success.


It’s all about energy, my dear. Collective consciousness energy. Remember the Matrix? Which pill will you choose? Red or blue? Which pill did your higher self choose? You see, this is why not ALL higher selves are “ascended Masters.”

What if I want a different timeline?

Well, I am afraid that isn’t possible from your vantage point. Although everything CAN be changed collectively… through collective consciousness. Or you can always merge and become one with your higher self.

Okay, what about this other “slightly altered” timeline in which my twin-flame soul mate and I are living (or lived)? What can you tell me about that life? Where did we first meet? How old were we?

On that timeline, you met in grade school. You transferred in to her school in Elkhart, Indiana when your dad got a job on the police force there. You were about 10. You were both little tomboys, although you were the more feminine and she was the more masculine. You got along swimmingly from the get-go. Dirt bikes, skateboards, basketball, baseball, fishing. You actually lived pretty close to each other, near the river, so you had plenty of adventures together. Until you went your separate ways after high school. You went away to college. Boston. She stayed in Elkhart. You got married. She explored same-sex relationships.

Scarborough said we failed our mission in that life.

Yes. The third party – the girl with lupus – bailed.



So what happens on that timeline, then?

It has already dissolved.

So is this the only timeline we have left to complete the mission?

Looks like it, yes.

Why did the other timeline dissolve? I mean, if only one person died?

Everyone eventually died, dear.

So it’s a past life, then? Not currently being lived simultaneously?

As I said before, timelines are staggered, so not every single fractal of your higher self is happening simultaneously. So, as your perception goes, from your current vantage point, yes, this could be considered a “past life,” since everyone on that timeline has expired.

So this life for us IS a “do over?”

You could consider it that, yes.

What happens if we fail in this one, too?

Why would you let that happen? You’re both consciously aware of why you’re here and what needs to happen. Your higher selves put you here in this particular timeline of heightened awareness so you would not fail.

Why is it so important that we “reverse the curse,” anyway? Can’t we just cancel the contracts?

Sure, you can cancel the contracts. But that doesn’t clean up the mess. That’s just calling quitting time before the job is done, you see. And it is important to fulfill the contract because your father’s grandfather’s family is a direct descendent bloodline of Sarah (higher self Scarborough), the daughter of Jesus and her twin-flame soul mate Luke. And Jesus likes to keep a tidy bloodline, you see. Not to mention that this dark energy has affected a LOT of people. Not just the families, but everyone the descendents of these two families come in contact with on a daily basis. All in all, that is a LOT of people.

Well, I feel like there is nothing I can do. I did the best I could, and it wasn’t good enough. What more can I do?

You’ve done all you can. The rest is up to the other two parties of the contract. Send love and light and keep the faith. The truth is out, and it is accessible. Other parties willing to lend their light and positive energy to the situation are welcome to assist at any time, should they find it in their hearts to do so. You did not fail. And this is far from over. Stay positive. Raise your vibration in faith and love. You have a good number of angels and ascended masters on your side.

I already know what they will say. They will say this is my ego talking, and that I am just trying to manipulate the situation to my favor.

What does Grandpa James always tell you? Hearts don’t change. Only minds change. Hearts stay true. Forever.Your heart is true. Your love is unconditional. It always has been. That is why you were chosen.

Thank you, Christopher.

Chosen. That is a word I heard a lot as a kid. In my head, when I was riding my bike alone or wandering through the woods. A gentle man’s voice told me over and over: “You are a golden child, Jen. A chosen one.” I do believe I asked my mom once what it meant to be a “chosen one.” Her answer sounded like a lot of pressure. I just wanted to play and be carefree. Needless to say, I ignored those messages as I moved into middle school and blocked out the voice. No wonder it is taking so long to put all the jigsaw pieces back together. If I had only listened…

But that is what free will does for us. Our egos want all this independence. Ego says: This is MY life! I’ll do as I please!

And, of course, ego never wants us to believe anything good about ourselves. No wonder our higher selves have to create so many fractals. So very few are willing to listen to them.

So now we know. We have a choice. We can follow the guidance of our higher selves, stick to our contracts, and ascend with them. Or we can be another junk fractal that didn’t work out. A used bingo card. An experiment. Or a failure requiring a “do over.”

Which will YOU choose?


Akasha: One amazing journey after another.

If you’ve not yet discovered the Akashic Records, or not had a reading, NOW is a good time! I began exploring my own Akashic Records in January of 2010. It took me a good month or so to work up the courage to open them. You have to be willing to face the truth, you see. And that means possibly letting go of old patterns, ideas, beliefs, and, yes, sometimes even love.

If you’re into reading the works of spiritualists, you may be finding a common phrase in many of their works:

“Remember who you are.”


Yeah. I know. Head scratch. Brow rub. Chin tug.

What does THAT mean?

And then there’s the inevitable pregnant pause…

…super-deep inhale…

and the burning question…

“Who AM I?”

Followed by the even more challenging…

“Why am I here?”

And the ever mind-boggling…

“What is my purpose?”

These are all very good questions for your Akashic Records — the keepers of all the details of every life your soul has ever lived and will live. Or, as some folks believe, all the lives your soul is living right now.

Yes. Simultaneously.

Head scratch.

Brow rub.

Chin tug.

Yeah, I know. Still trying to get my head around that one, myself. I mean, if I’m living several lives at this very moment, then why am I stuck here, in the loneliest, most painful and mundane one, for what seems like eons?

That is also a very good question for your Akashic Records. But, brace yourself! The answer may be loaded with way more WTFs than you ever imagined!

Which always brings you back around to this simple reminder: Remember who you are.

And the answer to that is simple. You are a spiritual light being having a human experience. Or several, even, if you can believe that. Which I do believe probably comes from the theory that there is no past, and there is no future; there is only right now.

And this is where I say, “But right now kinda sucks…”

So I open my Akashic Records and I find out more about who I am. Where I came from. Why I’m here. Where I’m going. And what it all means.

Sounds like an escape, doesn’t it?

In some ways, it is. But, when I look at my alternatives — television, Internet, housework — it is usually the most valuable (not to mention affordable) escape available. And it has changed my life so much.

The information I’ve received from my records has helped make sense out of those things that once made no sense at all. It has given me a broader perspective on anything and everything to which I am connected. And it has helped me unravel the mysteries involving those all-too-real dreams that make me go, “Whuuuut tha…?”

My Akashic Records have also helped me understand that everything and everyone on this planet are somehow connected. Whether we like it or not, that IS the truth.

In the coming months, I plan to begin sharing some of my story about my Akashic Records and how they have helped me remember who I am, why I’m here, where I’m going, and what it all means.


Good question. My first thought about this was, “Who would really even be interested?”

But, now that more and more spiritualists are reminding us, “Remember who you are,” it feels like a good time to share how you can begin to tap into your own personal truth by showing you how I did it. Not just through my own readings, but through readings I have done for my close friends, as well. We’ve learned that we are a very close-knit soul group, connected by “other lives,” and the information we have learned has cinched our bond even tighter.

I look forward to sharing with you our adventures through the Akashic Records. It certainly has been one amazing journey after another.

This is where it gets weird

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This blog was written in the spring of 2008, before I accessed my Akashic Records and learned I have actually lived a total of 39 past lives.

WARNING: This blog is about reincarnation. If you are opposed to the idea of reincarnation, STOP READING.

Even if you don’t believe in reincarnation, you’ve probably caught yourself saying something along the lines of “not in this life,” or “in my next life, I want to come back as…” or “I must have been (enter adjective here) in a past life.” The question is, do we actually believe we’ve lived other lives or that our souls will regenerate to a new life after we die when we catch ourselves saying things like that?

Well, I can only speak for myself, and I KNOW I’ve lived other lives.

When I was a wee lil unchurched towhead, reincarnation was a totally natural inclination to me. OF COURSE I’d lived past lives! I WAS Huck Finn, yo!! Or maybe I had been Tom Sawyer. Or maybe…just maybe…I was Samuel Clemens, and THAT is how I knew those boys so well. Hey, stranger stuff has happened. How does a seven-year old who has never read either story know who Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer are, anyway?

Aw, maybe my mom had read those stories to me. I honestly don’t remember everything about those days. I just remember my mom was THE BEST story reader in the WORLD. Except those Laura Ingalls stories sure did put me to sleep – FAST!!

I DO remember believing in reincarnation for whatever reason, though.

Since high school I have had this thought that I must have been a real stuck-up wench in one of my past lives because I’ve always had this snooty-girl mentality that even I cannot stand at times. I mean, she’s the kind of bitch I want to smack and say, “BURP if your tummy hurts, Buffy!” JEEZE!! “Loosen the corset, Camille!” Ya know?

Anyway, yeah, crazy, I know. Especially since I grew up in middle-class suburbia and I was the first in my family to earn a college degree besides my dad who never did anything with his teaching degree because he slammed a high school student against a wall as a substitute teacher; I do believe he lost his teaching certificate  for that. Classy, huh? So, yeah, I never really had any reason to be proud or feel privileged.

When I ran away (er WENT) to college in Boston, there was a moment in my college dormitory building that I realized I HAD to have lived at least ONE other life. It was when I went exploring in this old building known as “Charlesgate.” It had been a hotel, a hospital, and it was even rumored at one time to have been a brothel. It was haunted unlike anything I’d ever experienced. EVERYone seemed to have a story of some strange happening or another in that place. Eight floors of eeriness. I thought I’d never get out. Before I learned how haunted the place was, however, I went roaming around, checking things out – admiring architecture and original woodwork. It was when my eyes wandered across an ornate tile decoration that I realized something that freaked me out: I’d BEEN here before. But…I’d NEVER been there before. Whoa. Creepiness. It was like, for a very brief moment, I had stepped into another dimension – one from the past. One I was not so sure I wanted to revisit.

Fast forward 19 years to the present. A few months ago I woke from this dream that I knew should really be making me feel extremely uncomfortable, but it didn’t. In fact, it had the opposite affect on me. It felt extremely familiar and…good…which is odd considering the dream was about an older man – easily in his late 30s to early 40s – and a very young girl who looked to me to be somewhere between 12-15 years old. I understood from the dream that the man was married with two children. I could tell by the clothing style that it was the early 1940s and by the building interiors that it took place in a city very much like Boston. It was still very unclear to me who this young girl was, however. Until…well…the erotic stuff started. I was not in this dream at all, so it made no sense why I was dreaming this…and feeling these feelings. It occurred to me when I woke with these extremely warm, dreamy, VERY familiar feelings that this was no ordinary dream. Nope. This was a past-life regression dream. That fact didn’t really dawn on me until about four hours after I woke up and I couldn’t seem to get the dream out of my mind. It wasn’t until that evening that I bravely sat down and allowed myself to get into a deep discussion with my spirit guide Joe about my past lives. I still have not flushed out all the details of these past lives – I’ve only scratched the surface on most because there is only so much I feel I can handle at once, you know?

I don’t know how many total past lives I’ve lived. I know there are at least five, but three are very distinctive. Most of you who regularly read my blogs know that I feel I have a soulmate – well, not just A soulmate, but THE soulmate – the “forever love of a lifetime” kind of soulmate. I recognized the deep soul connection by the dramatic flash in her eyes when we first met. I learned that I have shared three past lives with this fellow soulmate, the most recent being the regression dream from the 1940s. She was a famous older male athlete (married with two children) having an affair with a young girl – MOI. Yeah. Forbidden love.

The two other lives were also forbidden love situations. In the first of our three past lives we’ve shared, she was a Native American man and I was the daughter of a rich white man (that’s probably where the snooty girl comes from). Our affair produced a half-breed baby boy. One month later, daddy dearest shot and killed my Cherokee lover. In our second life together, I again was the daughter of a rich white man, and we lived in South Africa. She was a hot young African stud with a chiseled chest and a handsome face. Our intensely taboo affair led to another death at the hands of my tyrant father. Again, a child had been conceived. Oh, and, if you’re wondering, no, the famous older male athlete did not die at the hands of my furious father; the athlete committed suicide after we were caught and exposed or exposed and caught – not sure exactly how that happened. Yes, offspring was also produced in that life as well. Anyone see a pattern here?

I was recounting all this newly discovered information with my niece (who is only five years younger than me) the other day, which is a blessing in itself – to be able to discuss something of this nature with a relative and she doesn’t bat an eye – and I jokingly said: “I’m not sure why we’re lesbians this time around; maybe it’s so she can’t get me pregnant?”

Without missing a beat my niece said, “Yeah, and luckily your dad is dead this time around, so he CAN’T KILL HER.”

Now, isn’t that the most precious, but yet the WEIRDEST thing a niece could ever say to her aunt?

Collective Consciousness – A Call to Balance


The Flower of Life symbol reminds us that we're all connected

I received the following in a spiritual newsletter on Saturday,
November 21, 2009:

The World of Now

“The reality earth plane on which you currently exist is a result of the energy of your participation. In the time line each generation has left an imprint of positive + negative that has tipped quite vigorously into the negative. This is a result of being unconsciously without the influence of the soul.

Most will reply to this vehemently that they have participated religiously within the parameters of their linear consciousness…the spiritual influences being regulated by a confined perspective that places all spiritual power + creation to an outside source.

Our position is that by bringing the soulful energy into the person [it] can alter the imbalance that is occurring.

Generations of incarnated souls have been aligned to place the power of thought outside of themselves. The idea of a god being the omnipotent energy that decides the path of the physical beings that worship him.

Now that the planet’s energy is dangerously askew we implore all souls incarnate to bring that omnipotent energy where it belongs, to the internal thought process by which all of you create reality (i.e. free will).

Your current linear is salvageable, however, the declaration of concentrated thought must be reclaimed so that the balance of energy can be regained. Free will is the claiming of the thought process that saves… so to speak…everything.

Do not feel the linear influence – “Oh I am but one.”

All of you come from unique entity sources designed to bring a balance of perspective to your linear creation.

Participate energetically. Your connection to others may + will influence the mass consciousness creation that has gone awry.

Seize each day and bring your energy to it. It will make a difference. Think.

Be persistent. Be linear while expressing your eternal soul. It is why you are here.

Become the energy of your soul and all will be well.

What if you were the one soul needed to tip the balance to the more positive participation?


This is my response:

Collective consciousness is more powerful than any of us could have ever imagined.

What is collective consciousness, exactly? Basically it is the combined power of the mindset of every living human being on the planet.

You’ve probably heard the theory that you create your own reality with your thoughts – and that you can change your reality merely by changing your thought process. Negative Nellies will, of course, say “That’s bullshit.” And, of course, with this attitude, they will continue to experience more of the same negative results in their life.

It is true that some people fear change. Even if what they have experienced all their lives has been negative, they will resist changing their thinking because negativity is so familiar to them that it is almost a comfort…and it is definitely a habit.

The problem with this is that they are not just keeping themselves down; they are also affecting the balance of the collective consciousness web that controls the energy flow of our planet.

Think of every negative person you know – and include yourself if you know you have tendencies to swing to a negative mindset more often than not. Now visualize of each of these people as a sinker weight attached to the connecting strings within your social web. What’s happening to the web?

I watched the movie America last night. It’s a movie produced by Rosie O’Donnell that depicts the failing foster care system in the state of Michigan, and also in the United States. Many of these kids end up homeless, in prison, or dead after they age out of the foster care system when they become eighteen. These are sad statistics, indeed, and the movie left me feeling quite sad for these kids who have often been abused – physically and sexually – by either members of their own families or their foster families.

I have always wanted to foster adolescents. Of course, my sexual orientation makes that difficult for me to do in the state of Michigan. I also seem to be unemployed A LOT, which makes it even more difficult for me to support the kids I wish to help. As I thought about this after the movie last night, a commercial for antidepressants came on TV. You know the one where the woman winds up the pathetic-looking plastic replica of herself? It shows different clips of her coping with her life and then with her husband and two kids. They are white and appear to be a normal, middle-class family.

After seeing the movie America, all I could think was…what is her PROBLEM? What is OUR problem? Why are there SO MANY depressed people in the world? And why are we so damn UGLY to each other all the time?

I know a lot of it comes from the feeling of separateness. The feeling that we are all alone in this world. Many of us feel  this way because we are putting out negative vibes that drive others away – even if they are negative, too. Everyone has their own set of problems, and no one wants to take on more than their fair share.

Hey, I’ve been unemployed for almost eleven full months now. My parents are dead and most of my family no longer speaks to me. I’ve lost the majority of my friends over the past three years as well. People dislike me because I have written about how this feels – to feel alone, jobless, purposeless, scared, and hated. I focused so much on all that I had lost, that I just kept losing. It became a sickness – feeling sorry for myself and fearing life would never get better. I isolated myself with this attitude. I paralyzed myself with this attitude.

What I’ve discovered is that brooding and pouting about my misfortune is not going to get me anywhere. In fact, it’s only going to get me more of the same. If I keep thinking I’ll never get a job, I won’t. If I keep thinking “I have no friends,” that will always be true.

Whatever we focus on, we get more of that very thing. That is why negative thinking only breeds negative results.

Negativity is often a product of fear. Many times what we fear is what we manifest – because more often than not, we focus more on our fears than we do our hopes and dreams. This is a normal HUMAN thing to do. This is what Veronica means when she speaks of “the linear.” The linear is the physical realm in which we live – in human bodies. For some people, ONLY the linear exists because they do not believe in souls or reincarnation. They believe the life they are living is the ONLY life they will ever live. These are lower-self beliefs.

The higher self, however, knows all and remembers everything about its past lives and past lessons. The higher self is obtainable, but few people attempt to connect with it. The higher self IS the soul. The soul who has lived many lives and understands its purpose. The soul chose to participate as a physical body in the linear/physical world that we all know this dirty, gritty, unfriendly place we call “home.”

We all chose to be here at this time for one reason or another. We CHOSE to be born into the physical. We even chose our parents for a specific reason. We are born all knowing, but we are often nurtured into ignorance about where we came from and why we are here. More often than not, because of the current dark flow of energy in this physical world, we are nurtured into negativity and ruled by fear. It is very rare – especially in American culture – that we are raised knowing and feeling pure, unconditional love and trust.

So, if we chose to be here, why are we so negative?

Well, as we all know, nothing is perfect, and, even though the grass may be greener somewhere else, that “better place” will also have its drawbacks. And, just like medications that are supposed to clear up one health issue, the side effects may create another health risk altogether. Nothing is perfect. Especially human beings. Here’s why: that nasty thing all humans possess – the EGO.

Souls do not have egos. Souls are light beings with energetic chakras. These energetic chakras exist in the astral bodies of the auric field of every human being. Just as every human has a brain, esophagus, heart, stomach, lungs, and reproductive organs, every human also has energetic chakras. Think of the chakras as the “organs” of the soul.

The lower chakras – the base/root, sacral, and solar plexus chakras (red, orange and yellow, respectively) are all directly in tune with the ego and “the lower self.” These are the chakras that keep us grounded to the physical. Basic needs, feelings and emotions, pleasure, power, self-esteem, and a sense of belonging and security are the things these chakras are associated with in our energetic system. These are all the things the ego is attached to, and, when any of these things are taken from us or are threatened, the ego flares, along with adrenaline in the physical body. Fear and negative thinking (worry) can throw these chakras out of balance. When these chakras are out of balance, the rest of the chakras will close. Such imbalances impede the flow of energy and can even cause energy to “get stuck” and cause mental and emotional dis-ease which can, inevitably, lead to health issues or manifest into an actual disease such as cancer.

Yep. We create our own reality. Whether it’s a positive or negative reality is truly up to us. We CAN control our egos by simply living in the heart, rather than the mind. Stop thinking so much and start feeling. Once we start feeling and actually positively CARING, we will start thinking more positive thoughts for ourselves, one another, and our fragile planet.

If our negative conscious thoughts are powerful enough to create our own suffering and disease, just imagine what our positive conscious thoughts are capable of creating. What would happen if every living, breathing human being on this planet focused on global peace and harmony? What would happen if we all imagined clean air, lakes, and streams? A booming economy? Affordable health care for everyone? A loving family for every homeless child? Nutritious food for every hungry mouth? Rain for every drought? What if we focused harder on the solutions than we do on the problems?

Someone once said, “If you believe it, you can achieve it,” and it’s true, but I don’t think we should limit this to our own personal goals.

No matter how “separate” or “alone” we feel in this world, we really are all in this together. Collectively. Consciously. We would all be wise to journey deep within, find our higher selves (soul), live in our heart chakras, and start spreading love. God knows this planet needs it.

Besides…love never hurts anyone.