A Reunion Broken.
So last summer my dream came true; I reunited with my twin-flame (sacred-union) soul mate. We enjoyed a blissful few months together. She proposed to me on the beach in front of a circle of our closest Pleiadian friends currently incarnate with us from the Pleiadian Ring of 500 the night before my birthday. What I thought was a birthday cake was actually a proposal. Written on the cake in orange (my favorite color) lettering was the question: “Will you marry me?”
Of course I said yes. We had a beautiful evening with music, fireworks, dancing and late-night dipping in Lake Michigan. It was the best night of my life, to be with the one I love with all of my heart and soul and all of our closest, dearest friends and Pleiadian family members. It was also the best birthday of my life, as she agreed to move in with me. We had a wonderful two months of bliss, but then, of course, fear set in and my twin-flame ran again.
My Akashic Records and other sources say that we will reunite again one day. I trust this is true because no matter how hard I try to move on without her, nothing works. Even if I want it to. I met someone recently I was pretty excited to spend the rest of my life with, but, no sooner than I got my hopes up, I received a barrage of text messages from HER fiancé. Yeah. Nice.
Doom and Gloom.
I see that I am doomed to sit in misery while I continue to WAIT, stalled out in this ridiculous holding pattern because someone is too scared to be happy. Some days, I honestly would rather slit my throat to end this nightmare. I never really even wanted to be here in the first place. I’m sure this is true because I constantly have this feeling that I was dragged into this life. Or pushed. Or coerced. That is just how it feels. NOTHING is ever enjoyable for me. Even when I am happy, it can only be for a few minutes at a time because someone is ALWAYS fucking it up for me. Yeah, I said it! The F-word. Come on, you know this would not be a true heart-felt chapter of my journey without it!
So, I could go on and on here and tell you how it’s all bullshit – this theory or philosophy that “love heals everything” and that twin flames or sacred-union soul mates don’t ever really reunite in harmonious bliss (that we’re just here to push each other’s buttons and make each other LEARN, LEARN, LEARN all the difficult lessons in life.) Okay, that’s crap, too. Well, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s true. But what I mean by “that’s crap” is that it is the stupidest fucking shit EVER.
Yeah, it WOULD be nice if we could all just LOVE each other and get along. It WOULD be nice if on December 21, 2012 all of our egos had dove to their deaths like suicidal lemmings so it COULD be possible to truly love without fear or doubt. But that didn’t happen, did it? Nope. Ego’s still here. Alive and kickin’ like a tenacious wild stallion. Annnd it still sucks. Big time.
As you can tell, I am having some major issues that I am wrestling with. And it is more than just losing my twin flame (AGAIN). I also lost my job. Which, at first, I thought was a blessing in disguise because I thought I could finally do Akashic Readings for a living, but, as things continued to get worse with my twin flame and the county kept threatening to take my house from me, I really lost faith. I mean… BAD.
YES, I am depressed. YES, I am a suicidal lemming in search of a nice, tall cliff with lots of jagged rocks and a pounding sea below. NO, I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT THE GOD DAMN LESSON IS IN THIS. FUCK IT!!! FUCK EVERYTHING. Let me GO HOME. NOW!!!!!
Sound familiar? I bet it does. I KNOW it does. I have had PLENTY of talks with people feeling exactly the same way I do. LOTS of people are feeling suicidal, believe it or not. Worthless. Hopeless. And helpless.
But, oddly enough, there is this inner calm in the middle of the storm. All of these thoughts raging, swirling, spiraling, and desperately trying to pull me (us?) downward into the deep, dark abyss of nothingness. But it fails every time because there is this deep inner peace with it all. What IS that? It’s… it’s like… do you remember those turtle floats we had as kids? Those dense expanded foam turtle shells they used to strap around our chests that stayed on our backs to help keep us afloat as we learned to swim? Yeah. It’s like one of those. Right in the center of my chest. And its message is perfectly clear:
Cry and whine all you want. Kick and scream, even. We’re NOT going down.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, back in early January of 2013, I sought solace in my friend Ariel DeAngelis, who I consider to be a twin-flame expert. I told her how losing my twin flame again had made me second guess myself. My abilities as an Akashic Reader, actually. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just made the whole thing up? If not, then why did we split again?
I know what most of you are thinking. Why didn’t I just ask my Akashic Records? Well, as I just said, I was afraid I was just plain wrong. That I had made it all up in my head. And that the concept of twin-flame soul mates is just bunk.
Well, of course Ariel had a lot of great answers and even some intuitive information about my twin flame that was pretty dead-on accurate despite the fact that she has never met either of us in person, nor does she know my twin flame at all, not even by a social networking connection. So she made me feel somewhat better with the old, “as twin flame soul mates, we’re always together, even when we’re NOT together.” Yep. Whether we like it or not. And I say that because I am really just tired of the ego bullshit that sends us meandering down the wayward idiot paths only to wind up back where we belong… TOGETHER. Being the higher spiritual (and extremely impatient) half, I honestly don’t see the “need” to be apart. BUT (I admit I DID ask my Akashic Records when she moved out WHY this was happening) the records revealed that my twin flame’s higher self had requested one last separation before oneness so he could better appreciate coming into oneness. I, of course, told him he’s an ass, and he had just better hurry up with that nonsense. (We really do make a phenomenal pair… WHEN we’re TOGETHER.)
Love is patient. Love is kind. What a bunch of bullshit! Get your scaredy-cat ass on this train. NOW!!!
Okay, you all get my drift. I’m SUPER impatient. EXTREMELY. Not to mention that I am just completely BORED with fear and its ill-effects on society in general and as a whole. Fear is stupid. It makes you think stupid things that manifest into crazy shit far worse than the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Did we seriously NOT learn ANYTHING from Ghostbusters? And why can we still not comprehend that worrying is like praying for what we DON’T want? CRIMINY!!!
Okay, done ranting. For a minute. Long enough to tell you what a genius Ariel DeAngelis truly is. When I thanked her for her comforting perspective, she told me to feel free to contact her any time. Even “the other way,” if I wished. I said that would be interesting, for certain. So she said, “let’s try it!” So we ran an experiment. I said I would telepathically contact her sometime that afternoon, but would not tell her what time, exactly. I would have a mental conversation with her, and then, later that evening, I would contact her and ask her what we talked about. She agreed to my terms and conditions.
Not to get all Mark Twain or anything, but I must digress for a moment, because this is what I do. Try to follow. I bundled up the Chihuahuas and took them for a nice, long, 90-minute power walk down to the golf course, around the 13th hole and back. It was on the way back that a random memory from 2006 popped into my head. Yes. 2006. I know. Just follow. It’s really significant to My Akashic Journey – Chapter Six – The Unexpected One. But it all started here. In this moment. On this walk before my telepathic conversation with Ariel DeAngelis. I don’t know WHY it came to me at that very moment that I was power walking the very steep winding hill on my way home, but it occurred to me that I needed to ask Ariel about the super weird thing that happened to me while watching DaVinci Code. I had not even thought about it since 2008 when I saw DaVinci Code the second time. But there it was, popping into my head, random as an ADHD Gen Y comedian. Stay tuned.
So when I got home, I sat on my exercise ball and began stretching. It was about 1:30ish. While stretching, I contacted Peter. You know, the Pleaidian being I sometimes channel. I said, “Hey, Peter, I am supposed to have a telepathic conversation with Ariel DeAngelis this afternoon. Let’s surprise her with a three-way call!”
Of course Peter was all for that! So we patched Ariel in and had a little conference call that was pretty lighthearted and full of laughter. After Peter “hung up,” Ariel and I continued our conversation with a topic she told me to ask her about. I won’t get into the details here, as that is all private and whatnot, but I will say that the details were… very detailed. And no, it wasn’t about Arch Angel Michael.
While we were talking, I got up to make lunch, so there were a couple of lulls in the conversation as I concentrated on cooking instructions and timing and whatnot. Yeah, I’m lame. I read the directions and follow them. Anyway, what I found interesting is that when our conversation was over and my lunch was finished, I wrote to Ariel and said, “Okay. What did we talk about?” she had the time of the conversation (between 1:30 and 2:00 PM EST) accurate as well as the two lulls in conversation I just described. Although she did not recall talking with Peter, she did remember the gusto with which our conversation began, and she also told me our three different topics exactly. Then she asked me, “Okay, so what did YOU hear ME say?”
I wrote her back with the very detailed details and she. was. FLOORED.
“Wow,” she told me. “You are the REAL DEAL.”
Of course, she never had a doubt.
And then she said, “If I don’t doubt you, then why do YOU doubt you?”
That was a very good question, indeed.
And that brought me the courage to share with her that memory I mentioned from 2006. Something I refused to accept about myself that I knew in my heart was true for a very long time. It was a knowing I believe I was born with, but never, EVER shared with anyone. It was the kind of knowing that is so certain that when this bit of craziness was sprung upon me in 2006 while watching DaVinci Code, I was not even surprised by it. But there was no way in hell I was going to accept it. Or admit it, for that matter. Stay tuned. I am about to open my Akashic Records and ask about it. ALL of it. And I guarantee you that the information I receive will knot up a bunch of Christian panties into an excruciatingly uncomfortable wad. Not that it’s my intention to do so. Like I said… I never wanted to know this information, let alone share it. Primarily because I know I will be attacked, damned to hell and shamed for it. But I figure, hey, my life already sucks. I might as well tell the truth since that is what I came here to do. Kicking and screaming.
2 thoughts on “My Akashic Journey – Chapter Five – Kicking and Screaming”
Needless to say, 3D on this sweet Earth is a challenging adventure. Closing 3D is even more so. All the old fears, pains and darker energies surface to be let go and transmuted into the only energy 5D has, Love.
It seems to me that you are doing extraordinarily well, all things considered. Being a sensitive and aware of so much more than most is an added burden but it is also a great blessing to the Soul. In a short time our experience in this realm of spiritual amnesia will be over, so even though tremendously challenging we have added wondrous experience to Our Soul Selves. Experience that will not only assist in our next journeys and adventures but in 5D our insights are shared by All, by the One.
While is the depths of the emotional chaos here it can be hard to view all this from the Higher Planes but it can be done. From that level we Know we are Eternal Beings and all the Crisis in 3D will be resolved. We will be One with not only the other s aspects of our Soul but with All, With Source. Knowing that can place us in a state of Deep Peace if we allow it. And if we create Inner Peace, we move into those Higher Planes right now and accelerate our Ascension. In so doing we serve the whole by moving the whole Human Collective forward as well. This may sound too “removed” when you are in the thick of it all. But truly only by finding Peace Within can one create the Attraction of letting everything come together as you would desire.
We Know we completely create our “Reality” and ultimately we are not dependent on anything or one outside of ourselves to find Inner Peace and Self Love. Indeed if we are not feeling that, our Mirror selves, will reflect our inner fear of more separation.
It has been my experience that even in the greatest depths of discomfort, we never face more than the current moment and if we can find one tiny thing that we love, even cherish in this moment, we open the door to freedom, and to gratitude. In that field we allow the Universe to create more for which we can be grateful.
This may sound like a tiny thing but we chose to be here at this time not only to assist the Planet in ascension but ourselves as well. In we could in the most dire of difficult circumstances bring ourselves to create Light and Love, would we not have have mastered the greatest lesson in the school of the Gods. Just a thought. ♥
Don’t make us wait too long…am always interested in what can get a Christian’s panties in a wad. And I love how open and honest you are about your life..you give the rest of us courage.